summer closing

summer equals a time of fun and carefree

making lots of money and spending lots of money

a lot of free time and a lot of wasted time

but best of all there is time for catching up with the things i lose sight on throughout the year. weirdly enough, my tables when im waitressing remind me of where i am going in life and what i need to do to keep on track. they also serve as an encouragement and a constant listener. best of all they are usually older than me and have lifes wisdoms that they can pass down. altogether, i basically wouldnt trade my job for any other because i dont think any job at this level could teach me even half as much. staring into the face of a challenge with a smile and a how are you no matter how crummy i feel is a skill u dont get at many jobs.

on another note, i am super dee dooper excited to go on a train trip to san francisco with mi familia and soak in the beauty of our nation. im NOT a very patriotic person. i say this earth is my home not necessarily this state or country or continent. but i will definitely admit that there are beauties here that are not found in other countries and for this reason i am SUPA PSYCHED <3!!!! WOOOOOOO!

3 strikes and you're out

so lately i have been looking into myself a little bit to see if i couldnt find out why i do some of the things i do.

the main thing is the fact that when a big issue comes up between me and a friend, i have in the past found that it is easiest to just leave the situation or friendship

because of this, i have a black or white, yes or no, good or evil perspective of humans. who is this new person i meet? i instantly categorize them into either 'good' or 'evil'

either worth my time or not

as human beings we are all flawed. and i myself am constantly judging myself to be either 'good' or 'evil' i cant just make one little flaw and move on its no big deal, its devastating.

along with this, the way im living my life is either wonderful or terrible. how is this even mildly acceptable? well let me just say that it no longer is.

i am sick of letting myself and others down through this judgemental attitude. i want to be the girl who is loving and accepting. so what do i do to reach this goal?

i know the reality of the situation is that it is based on a bigger heart issue. one that would take hours to put down on this stupid screen... but i wanted to document the fact that i have in fact realized this generalization that i constantly create, and that i want to put a stop to it.

what a glorious day

OH JUST KIDDING.
life has been hard this past week
i was not only rejected from the summer job i was wishing for
but i also have been haunted by skeletons in my closet
or ghosts. whichever you prefer
GET BACK YOU CRAZY SKELETONS/GHOSTS

you know that feeling when you go through something difficult
and all of the sudden you stick up your chin
and think
'i can do this'
...but then someone says/does something to bring you crashing
even further than where you were to start off?

welcome to my life as leah jayne.

now, dont get me wrong
i don't want this to be a self pity blog
i actually doubt anyone will read this
i would love to use this as a place to vent my constant aspirations
my life feels useless without a goal
so whether my goals are attainable or not
don't you dare mock them
because i will just walk away
if you are alright with that... mock away my dear friends

my oh my i need to catch you all up
but for the moment i will simply state my current aspiration
i would like to find a WICKED AWESOME JOB for the summer
and i am beginning lifeguard certification tomorrow!
so lets see how this goes

lets just see